Most of us know that watching TV isn’t exactly the kale of activities but rather the physical equivalent of eating deep-fried Spam. One recent Harvard study found that excessive TV watching (20 hours a week) can lower men’s sperm count by 50 percent. An Australian study revealed that every hour those 25 and older spend […]
When I did a nine-day vipassana meditation retreat a few years ago, as you might guess, we pretty much meditated all day. We either sat on cushions, all 60 of us in a hall, or we sat in our rooms—on our beds or floors, observing our breath, thoughts, and sensations. About 13 hours of meditation […]
My man, Brad, and I have been practicing the Imago Dialogue since nearly the beginning of our relationship. Though the name sounds like a drama class exercise, it’s actually a simple map for communicating consciously that helps us each feel heard. About four months into dating Brad, I was covering a wellness conference and had full […]
It’s said by many spiritual folks that we choose everything in our lives, from relationships to accidents to riches to illnesses. Depending whom you ask, we choose things for reasons unconscious (we’re trying to heal a childhood wound); metaphysical (we’re working out a past-life issue); psychological (we’re looking for power/safety/validation/etc.); or all of the above. […]
Think about the word fast. Close your eyes. What do you see? I see a blur of cars, the color red, an e-mail inbox filling faster than I can click. Now what’s happening in your body? I get a little panicky, scared, overwhelmed, worried that I can’t keep up, that I’m missing out, that the […]
You may be well along in your holiday gift shopping. But if you’re like me, buying gifts because the calendar says so feels a bit hollow—and you have therefore been dragging your heels. Here are some ways to make giving more meaningful.
Meaning kicks in when you give in a way that’s aligned with your values like, say: stepping lightly on the planet; supporting local and/or small businesses (a.k.a. people following their passions); helping those in need; giving experiences over stuff; tapping your creative juices instead of Amazon.com’s; and more. But it’s also important to stay mindful of the receiver: Just because you think your mom should do yoga, giving her a mat might read as unwelcome pressure.
That said, here are some conscious ways to give:
That girl isn’t pretty enough to be that annoying.
WHAT? WHAT did you just think? Who ARE you?
Oh, right. I’m me. Hi. My name is Valerie and I have a judgmental brain feed that reads like a cross between Mean Girls,The Hangover, and Heathers. It’s stunning to me. But there it is. Judge, judge, judge, all the livelong day.
Swami Kripalu once said, “Every time you judge yourself you break your own heart.” I’m pretty sure that judging others also breaks our heart. That’s partly because we bear the brunt of the poison that burbles up to form a negative judgment, and partly because we’re all energetically connected. I’m convinced that, on some level,we feel each other’s psychic barbs, especially if we intentionally throw them. They’re also the seeds of violence and war.
Harsh, constant judging creates barriers—which at times can actually be helpful. When judgments protect us from maniacs who cause harm, that’s good (yep, I’m judging!). But we also use judgments to protect our hearts from other scary things, like, you know, love. If I’m judging you, then I don’t have to take you in. I don’t have to need you. I don’t have to be vulnerable to you. I’m tough—I’ve got my barbed wire thoughts and they’re protecting me! (Or not.)