Are You Prioritizing Friendships? Four Ways to Begin

The other day I reached out to one of my close friends. I was feeling lonely and frustrated because we had not had time together in almost a month. I was cranky and out of sorts. I had been having a hard time at work and this friend is my soft place to fall. I shared with her that I believe our friendship needed some tending and she agreed. Even though we were both buried at work, we chose to prioritize connection and made a dinner date for that week.

Female Friendships: The Secret to Weathering Tough Times

Everywhere I speak, teach and lead retreats lately, women are talking about friendships, connection, and their desire for greater closeness and authenticity with their girlfriends.

They are sharing they’re letting some friendships go and deepening others. They’re getting clear on what they need from relationships—particularly during these turbulent times. They’re seeing first-hand what a huge impact real, heartfelt connection with friends has on their quality of life, resiliency and overall well-being.

Research Reveals: Friendships Impact Longevity

A well-known UCLA study on female friendships found that these key relationships not only help reduce stress, but they also extend our lifespan and reduce the likelihood of physical problems upon aging. The study discovered that women have a natural reaction to seek out their friends in times of stress (they called this “tend and befriend”), which helps them rebound physically and emotionally. More and more, studies are showing that people with strong platonic friendships enjoy better physical and mental health as they age than those who don’t.

And, according to the Mayo Clinic, deep friendships—not family ties—have the biggest impact on how we age and how connected we feel.

Nurturing Our Friendships: Emotional Self-Care  

Friendships need cultivating, tending to and a willingness to “come as we are,” (not just when we’re on top of the world). But what happens when we get over-scheduled or caretaking for others dominates our lives? We cancel lunches, walks, tea and dinner dates—when these meetups are exactly what we need to help us navigate life transitions and tough times.

Emotional self-care is as important as eating nourishing foods and daily movement. Critical to this is seeking out and taking time to connect with friends who nurture us and using discernment: knowing when it’s time to let friendships go and when it’s time to reach out and cultivate new or existing ones. This takes courage. It requires us to stretch. It’s part of our growth and evolution as spiritual beings. I can’t tell you how many heads nod when I bring up this theme at workshops/retreats; so many of us are still in old, stagnant relationships that are draining us, rather than fueling us.

We need—and deserve—friends that let us show up “warts and all.” We need friends who encourage us to shine and are not threatened by our success (read more about Sisterhood), and we need confidants who provide refuge, a space for us to rest without having to prove, do, or be anything to anyone.

A Friendship Check-Up

When was the last time you checked-in with your close girlfriends on the health of your friendship? Consider journaling your responses to the following questions:

1. Which of my friendships truly nourish me? Who would I like to spend more time with? Which relationships am I ready to lovingly release and let go of?
2. Asking your closest friend(s): What do you most need from our relationship? What do you most desire? What are the ways I tend to our relationship that you appreciate?
3. Ask yourself: Am I willing to create space in my week to make time with friends a priority?
4. Am I ready to stop holding it all together, let go, be vulnerable and allow my friendships to evolve and deepen?

This winter, I challenge you to focus on cultivating (or deepening) a new or existing friendship. Lean in. Make this a priority. What steps can you take to move “friend time” to the top of your list?

Sisterhood is the best medicine! Now, more than ever. 

On Campus

Weekend Format

Tending and Befriending Your Beautiful Self

A women’s self-renewal retreat

January 30–February 1, 2026