What Self-Care Really Means

I was lying in bed one morning reading from author Anne Lamott’s beautiful little book Small Victories. In one of her stories about parenting, she shares—with a little self-deprecation, but mostly tenderness—how she doesn’t bake for PTA fundraisers, is often disorganized, and sometimes forgets to follow through on updates from her son’s school. I find her ability to accept who she is both endearing and freeing.

Her story got me thinking about how so many people I meet have a misguided sense about the concept of self-care. I often hear a lot of “shoulds,” and many confess that they are downright awful at self-care.

As a life-balance coach, I have studied, researched, explored, and taught self-care to men and women for more than 15 years.

I can wholeheartedly share that self-care—a practice that has changed my life more than any other—is not about any of these things:

• Being perfect
• Fixing yourself or turning yourself into a self-improvement project
• Trying to become a better person who “has it all together” or who keeps their New Year’s resolutions
• Doing what our parents, friends, or the media say we should do to be our “best” (take up yoga, go gluten free, keep a clean house, grow our own vegetables, etc.)
• Striving to be more worthy through accomplishing more or adhering to society’s list of “shoulds” around parenting, relationships, or (fill in the blank)
• Spending a bunch of money on services or products that are supposed to make us more fit, beautiful, smart, etc.