How to Reconnect in Your Relationship

• Relationships

At the beginning of a relationship, you’re often in a whirlwind of excitement and joy. You might spend the first few months of courting in a state of blind bliss—smiling at strangers for no reason, getting lost in daydreams, and herding the army of butterflies that have taken up residence in your stomach.

But after the bliss bomb has exploded and the remnants have cleared, we can sometimes find ourselves in a relationship rut. Your loved one becomes part of the architecture of your day-to-day life, and that can lead to taking him or her for granted.

It’s important to recognize when this is happening, without judgment or self-judgment, and make a concerted effort to reconnect. Recognition is the first step toward reconnection. Here are some sweet ways to bring back the beauty of falling in love all over again.

1. On 30 small pieces of paper, write down one thing you adore about the other person. It can be very personal, funny, a broad stroke, or a memory. For example, “I love that you snort when you laugh,” or “That time you cried looking at the baby penguins on vacation was so sweet.” Anything! Then read each other one paper each night before going to sleep. If you work opposite schedules or don’t live together, you can do this over the phone, or by text message or Skype. There are many ways to connect.
2. Never leave the house without a kiss and a reminder that you love the person. It seems trite, but it’s powerful. And when you say, “I love you,” mean it. Look them in the eyes and feel your gaze returned.
3. Take a walk and talk after dinner. A stroll after a meal can invite relaxation and communication (and also help with digestion!). Take this time to download about your day, your hopes, your dreams—whatever comes to mind. Set an intention to do this once or more per week, whatever works for your schedules. And try holding hands on your stroll.
4. Do one nice thing for each other, once per day. Maybe you hold the door at a dinner party for your significant other, or leave a love note on the orange juice he likes to drink out of the carton. A tiny act of recognition can go a long, long way.
5. Celebrate each other! Don’t buy each other home appliances for holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays (unless that’s what one of you really wants). Recognize these opportunities for fanfare together—it doesn’t have to break the bank! You can write a poem, throw together a photo album, buy concert tickets … Whatever you choose, let it be a celebration of your love.
6. Set goals, together and individually. Write down your personal and collective goals for five years, one year, six months, one month, and two weeks, in areas like health, career, and personal life. Post them somewhere you can see them, and hold each other accountable. Check in periodically and work as a team to achieve your goals.
7. Set an intention to eat together five times a week. Make time to sit at the table and dine leisurely—and leave the cell phone and e-mail somewhere else. Cook and clean up together if you’re home, and relax together afterward if possible.

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