Already Home

I never laughed so much, with such full-hearted participation.

I never cried with such freedom, deeply and fully, both inwardly and outwardly.

I never danced with such abandon, whipping around the room, hopping, flowing, inner critic banished.

I never so trusted myself, my words, my capacities.

I never felt so free.

I never learned as much—about people, about my response to them, about the wisdom teachings, about how to be with myself and others, about how to let it all be okay, as it was.

I was never so able to let it all be as it was.

I was never this close to Grace.

Okay, already.

By now you are probably hoping I’ll stop this litany and get specific.

What the heck, Aruni? What are you doing?

I am teaching; I am leading a program.

Teaching is my zone, my flow state, my deepest of deepest homes.

I don’t tend to talk much about it. It’s vague, it’s wild and wacky, it’s personal, and it's deeply reflective of the blessings I have been given—the opportunities that have been mine, for giving, for receiving, for belonging, for teaching, for learning.

For becoming myself.

By creating the circumstances in which other people, you out there—hundreds and hundreds of you—became more of you, I create the circumstances in which I became more of my authentic self, too.

By trusting the process, by allowing the simple teachings of relaxing into the obstacles in our lives, both internal and external, without judgment, all change became possible.

I watch.

I watch you and I watch me. I allow my doubt and my anxiety, and I outlive it. And all possibility emerges for all of us, both individually and collectively.

I watch us become ourselves.  

I watch us relate to one another with blocks melting, with hearts opening.

I watch. In awe and profound relaxation.

I watch.

Creating a safe group process is like choosing home; it’s choosing ourselves, one moment at a time.

It’s believing in healing, in hope, in connection, with self and other and all.

It is.

I am telling you this because I believe we all need this space of freedom and flow, where the mind softens, where the body relaxes, where Grace emerges effortlessly.

For me, with a microphone in my hand, I am liberated.

I am taken home, deeply home, forever home. Bookended by the opening and closing “om,” I am freed.

The program ends, the mike is turned off, you all leave.

Home fades a bit.

The to-do list emerges.

Anxiety loudens.

And so it goes.

Remembering. Forgetting. Remembering again.

How easy to forget, how essential to remember:

Who we really are.

We are already home.

We just forget.

We all need the vehicles to return home.

For me, that vehicle is ... each and every one of you.

Aruni Nan Futuronsky has been a teacher for nearly 50 years, and on the Kripalu faculty for more than 30 of those. She directs the Inner Quest Intensive, Kripalu's longest-running program; The Kripalu Approach to Diet: An Integrative Weight-Loss Program; and other signature Kripalu programs. 

Find out about programs with Aruni Nan Futuronsky at Kripalu.