The Foundations of Self-Love

From a spiritual perspective, love isn’t an emotion we feel all the time. Love is an unwavering depth of compassion and empathy that reaches inward to embrace our experiences—no matter how mixed up, shut down, unfulfilled, or overwhelmed we tend to be. When rooted in the vibration of love, we don’t have to be completely healed in order to bring forth the kindness and care that already dwells within us. Love inspires us to console the innocence within our heart that wishes it felt something other than how things are. Not to be confused with infatuation, true love is a selfless and harmonious response of greater support, not an emotional high of any kind.

The more loving we are in each relationship, the more heart-centered we tend to be. Equally so, the more compassionate we are toward ourselves, the more intimate our relationships can become. This is the recipe for true emotional resolution. In order for each relationship to be aligned with Source, it is essential to embrace the four foundations of self-love. This embrace transforms each interaction from the inside out, creating more opportunities to meet ourselves in the purity of sacred partnership.

The Gift of Space

Love is the magnetic attraction of unity consciousness. While love often arises spontaneously, it can be naturally felt when the gift of space has been received. Whether it is time away from the roles we play, the people we serve, or even from our daily routine, the offering of space occurs anytime we pause for deliberate rest.

While the soul requires moments of spaciousness and rest to remain aligned, the ego is often intimidated by the vulnerability that space reveals.

In the absence of having something to worry about, anticipate, or regret, the gravity of such unconscious tendencies creates a stir of inner restlessness. This discomfort signifies an expansion that illuminates an opening of a previously darkened corner of our inner reality. Space helps us acknowledge our inner patterning, so that a sense of vulnerability can reveal a moment when the ego’s only response is to loosen its grip of control.

This is why the ego lives in a divided state of inner conflict. No matter the object of its agenda, it seeks out the very pleasure, validation, and fulfillment that can only be received by the soul. This is because, in order to receive, spaciousness must be present. In the presence of space, the ego unravels. The ego always wants the very thing it isn’t destined or designed to have. Our ego might be able to imagine a particular desire, and it can certainly spend time pursuing it with tremendous force and effort. All the while, each desired outcome is meant to be received as we continue to shift from ego to soul.

Just as food cannot be properly consumed without allowing space for digestion, we cannot be fully aware, aligned, and heart-centered without space. Since space exists as a silent force, the ego desperately tries to avoid it, because it perceives space as loneliness and isolation. On the other hand, the soul honors the gift of space as the environment of solitude where deeper connections are created.

True intimacy is a willingness to be spacious, restful, and open. In sacred partnership, intimacy is an opportunity to share space with another. In order to explore the importance of loving ourselves as an essential component to cultivating sacred partnership, a relationship with space must be established.

This can be as simple as giving ourselves mini mental breaks throughout the day, when we are able to pause, feel our emotional experiences, and even take a few mindful breaths. Since an alignment with breath invites spaciousness to unravel the ego, it is natural to have a sense of aversion toward space, where nothing but awareness and breath remain. As always, may we take each step of our journey at whatever speed is most supportive. Perhaps it’s a matter of finding the edge of our experience and daring to take one step beyond it. Let’s say you’re waiting in line at the bank, or sitting in traffic. This can be an opportunity to explore spaciousness, instead of worrying, anticipating, or regretting. In big ways and small ways, by stepping toward the gift of space, we are inviting the brightness of the soul to shine through.

Making Peace with Time

The potency of sacred partnership is determined by our relationship with space. When in harmony with spaciousness, we embrace the necessity of resting and receiving, just as we are willing to give and engage. For this to occur, it is essential to make peace with time as the third foundation of self-love. Because the ego is driven to worry, anticipate, and regret, it often lives in a race-against-the-clock scenario. This means everything it wants is always somewhere else or 54 doesn’t existing in the way it wishes. The soul, however, naturally exists in a monogamous relationship with space and lives in complete peace with the dimension of time.

As we make peace with time, our inner polarity of energies can balance out more easily. Just as small children can become cranky if they are tired and need a nap, we, too, can quickly escalate into disagreements or misunderstandings when we do not make time for ourselves.

While the ego is bound to unravel as the soul expands, it doesn’t let go easily. When making time to cultivate greater inner nourishment, it’s like the ego enters emotional rehab. As you go within to become the source of your own loving-kindness, the ego is no longer put in a position to be constantly fed or triggered by the desire for external validation or the approval of others.

In the absence of outside approval, the hunger of ego may intensify, as it fights to remain unconscious through external judgments or patterns of inner criticism. Essentially, when the ego is not fed, it fights back.

All too often, the breakdown of relationships occurs through our unconscious fight with time. We either take others for granted by not spending enough quality time together or we squeeze the intimate space out of our partnerships by not having enough time for ourselves. This is why making peace with time is essential in the cultivation of self-love. When making time to care for ourselves, we are able to make constructive choices, instead of being attracted to self-destructive patterns.

Excerpted with permission from Everything Is Here to Help You: An Energetic Blueprint of Your Soul’s Evolution (Hay House, Inc.) © 2018 by Matt Kahn.