The Ache in Your Heart Is Holy

I’ve spent years reflecting on the nature of aching: the ache of grief, longing, uncertainty, heartbreak, transition, and becoming. My new book, The Ache in Your Heart Is Holy: A Guided Path to Remembering the Truth of Who You Are, was born from that inquiry. At its core, the book explores a simple but transformative possibility: What if the ache in our lives is not something to avoid, fix, or rush past, but something worthy of listening to?

The Ache Is Part of Being Alive

Most of us are aching in some way.

Your ache might feel intense or like a gentle tug that doesn’t go away. The ache may be a longing or desire to feel more alive or to follow a different path. It could be a disappointment, a loss, or a bump in the road of life. You might be aching for connection, healing, the planet, adventure, quiet, or liberation. The ache can be a lifetime of suppressed emotions, the ache of change, or the reluctance of letting go.

The ache might arise from an unexamined relationship with death, with uncertainty, or with some idea of how we thought life was supposed to go, or simply from being alive in a mystery we can’t explain. When we forget, we ache. When we stray, we ache. We ache to feel whole, seen, loved, and to belong.

You might not yet know what your ache means, or what to do with it or how to be with it. It may feel confusing, disruptive, inconvenient, or even unbearable. An ache might show up as physical pain, a restless mind, withdrawal, frustration, confusion, or exhaustion.

You may wish it would go away. And that’s okay.

This ache didn’t show up with your permission. It may have arrived like a knock on the door in the middle of the night: mysterious, uninvited, insistent. Yet the truth is, the ache is a part of the human condition. Across cultures, myths, and spiritual traditions, stories of longing, loss, and transformation remind us that the ache is part of being alive.

The Ache as Awakening

The ache is more than a reminder of your pain; it is your heart reaching out, inviting you to awaken to a deeper truth. It’s often the ache that finally gets our attention to change, to grow, to learn, or to tend to our inner world. And when we view our aches as opportunities for awakening, they can transform how we live and act.

Your ache may be a wake-up call to open yourself to the possibilities of the sacred, or the holiness of life. To me, holy does not have to invoke a god or goddess, though it can. Holiness is a coming home, a remembering of your wholeness. It is discovering the wonder, mystery, and awe woven into even the most ordinary moments. The ache we feel is a movement toward an inner truth that longs to be remembered.

You may be aching because you’ve forgotten an essential truth: there is a sacredness at the core of who you are. The ache invites reflection: What part of me is longing to be met? What truth in me is rising to the surface? What is waiting to be seen, honored, or reclaimed? Or perhaps, even the most existential ache: Why am I here?

The ache then becomes both the question and the answer. It is the memory stirring in your bones, a signal for you to do the quiet work of remembering.

The Drop and the Ocean

One of the stories in the book is about a drop of water drawn up into the sky from the vast ocean. Carried away by the winds, it felt small and separate, longing to return to the ocean it once called home. The drop ached for the vastness it remembered, feeling as though it had lost something essential.

As it traveled, it clung to this sense of separation, believing it was incomplete and apart from the infinite ocean. Yet, through each experience—becoming mist, falling as rain, flowing through rivers—it began to notice something profound: The essence of the ocean was within it, even in its smallest form.

When the drop finally merged back into the ocean, it did not dissolve into nothingness. Instead, it awakened to the truth: Its ache had been a call to remember what it had always been.

Our ache is itself a journey.

Just as the drop is carried through cycles of transformation before merging back with the ocean, you are part of a sacred unfolding.

Every moment of ache, every step, is part of a natural rhythm that defines growth and transformation. Trust that this process is as ancient as the tides and as inevitable as the sunrise. It is the nature of nature, and you are an integral part of it.

A Path of Remembering

Sometimes the ache shows up as grief and loss. Sometimes as spiritual disconnection, fear, uncertainty, loneliness, or life transitions. Sometimes it is the ache of stifled creativity or expression. Sometimes it is an inherited ache, a lineage of silence, or an untended truth that now asks for your attention.

This book invites you into a profound relationship with the ache. It offers a path of curiosity, reverence, discovery, and devotion. This path supports you in being with life as it is, and will carry you to remember the truth of who you are.

Rather than rushing through it, approach this book like you would a sacred text or a spiritual practice: slowly, contemplatively, with openness to what arises. When you slow down and truly allow the offerings to seep in, you might feel them touch your heart.

A Practice to Pause

1. Slow it all down. Breathe. There is no rush to “get through” this ache.
    
2. Pause for a moment. Take a slow, deep breath in and a slow exhale.
    
3. Pause again and take three slow deep breaths in and out, allowing everything to begin to S L O W down.
    
4. Now, take a moment to scan your body and notice any places of tension. Often, the simple act of noticing creates a bit of space—and within that space, your body begins to release.
    
5. Notice the quality of your mind and any emotions you are feeling. Without the need to shift, change, or judge, can you welcome yourself, your mind, and your emotions?
    
6. Bring your attention to your heart.
    
7. Ask: What does the ache want me to consider?
    
8. Pause.
    
9. Let the question echo.

Whatever arises, whether emotion, image, resistance, or silence, is the beginning of the conversation.

Sometimes, an ache invites us into growth, insight, and greater self-understanding.

And sometimes, tending to the ache in your heart might be some of the most important work of your life.

My hope is that this book helps you develop a more compassionate, curious, and reverent relationship with your inner life and discover how your ache is guiding you.

Coby is the author of a new book The Ache in Your Heart Is Holy: A Guided Path to Remembering the Truth of Who You Are which is available for purchase at BroadLeaf Books.

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